Addictive Tendencies - Passion for Aviation and Travel

Everyone has addictive tendencies. Some to a lesser extent, some to a greater extent. But we all have them.
- I don’t want to spend this article talking about the science of addiction; there’s already plenty of great research done on the topic that can tell you things like what neurotransmitters lead you to an addiction, what changes happen to your brain chemistry, etc.
- Instead, I want to talk about my perspective on addiction and how we can give ourselves grace when dealing with it.
First of all, I don’t think in and of itself, addiction is a “bad” thing,
- Addiction is innately natural to all humans. Anything natural cannot be “bad” per se, but rather just a fact of life. This is similar to other commonly “bad” emotions or tendencies, such as fear, anger, etc. Nothing is “bad” until it affects you in such a way as to render consequences that you perceive as negative.
- For addiction, the key is not to try to stop it but to control it. And maybe control is even the wrong word…it’s best to try and harness it. Because addiction can actually be a really good thing!
  - We get addicted to things we like. So if we get addicted to work, for example, then clearly we really like our work. The addiction will make working hard seem really easy and could be a net benefit. If we are able to limit ourselves to just 40 hours a week, we can harness the addiction so that we are more focused and work harder during the time we give ourselves, while still making time for other things.
  - The problem comes up when we go too far, for example by spending 80 hours a week because you just can’t get away from the job. Things like this cause most people to think that their addiction is a “bad” thing and try to go to the opposite end of the spectrum (e.g., quitting their job), when actually the better option would be to try and slowly cut down their hours.
    - After all, you wouldn’t be addicted to something if you didn’t like it to a certain extent!
  - Of course, I understand that there are addictions that seem bad in almost any situation—alcohol, drugs, porn, social media—but I would still argue that these addictions may be able to actually show you what you really need, and even may be a benefit if you can harness them correctly. After all, you started doing these things because you were trying to fill a hole in your soul with something else. Instead of feeling bad, introspect and find out what that hole is and then try to fill it with something else.
    - For example, a very common “hole” is loneliness, which is why we spend so much time watching TV, drinking alone, etc. Maybe the “cure” for the addiction is to go out more!
You have to remember that most addictions are generally harmless if done in moderation.
- Yes, of course, some can cause irreparable damage if done in even relatively small doses (e.g., drugs, alcohol). But some very common ones, like masturbation, social media, shopping, etc., are not as harmful as you might feel they are.
  - Even though you might feel disgusted by masturbating every other day, at least it’s better than going on a bender every other day. Or buying a new pair of shoes every day is fine if you end up returning 99% of them anyway.
- You have to remember to put things into context. I know many people preach fire and brimstone for those who do these things even just one time, much less those who have an addiction, but this is malarkey. In reality, you’re completely fine. For many addictions, the rest of your life is not going to change appreciably whether you had the addiction or not, so the focus should be to moderate the addiction rather than trying to get rid of it completely.
  - If it goes away on its own, great! If not, then you will have to find a way to accept that it’s just something you do every so often.
A very important point: Many things that we are addicted to were specifically designed to prey on natural human weaknesses. In the end, it’s really not your fault that you have become addicted.
- Let’s take any social media company: The entire business model of the company is designed around getting you to spend as much time on the app/website as possible. Many of the employees’ only job is to focus on how to get you more addicted to their app.
  - If a $1T corporation with hundreds of thousands of employees is trying to make you addicted to their product by manipulating your natural desires and tendencies, I’m sure they will figure out a way to do so. And yet, we still blame ourselves for being addicted, like we have much power to fight our natural urges! That’s ridiculous when you think about it.
- You have to give yourself grace and take a higher-level perspective of your situation. We are all a part of the “system.” IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT that you are part of the system, that’s the reality of being human.
  - It’s not like people before our era didn’t deal with addictions. They were a part of the system too, and everyone who comes after us will be too.
  - So, don’t worry so much about trying to “solve” your addiction. Maybe the easiest way to solve it is by learning to accept it and mitigate it, rather than solving it entirely.
Now, considering all of this, how do we harness our addictions?
- First of all, I think you should go read my Priorities article. Counterintuitively, your addictions might actually show you what some of your priorities are, or at least things you really like.
  - If you are addicted to social media, maybe you can use that to your advantage by becoming an influencer. Then you can get paid to use social media all day long!
- Probably more important, though, is to go read my Routine article.
  - I personally have an extremely addictive personality, so the whole point of developing a very strict routine was to harness my natural urges.
    - Note that I didn’t STOP my natural urges. Rather, I recognized what they were (in my case, being a workaholic, liking to eat a lot, traveling too much, etc.), and channeled that into more productive ways of handling things.
      - I still work, eat, and travel a lot! I get to feed my addiction AND remain productive.
  - Like I keep repeating, the best way to mitigate addiction is to harness it and mitigate it. By developing a sustainable routine that feeds your addiction for a sustainable amount of time each week, but puts a time limit on it, you can effectively do both at the same time.
  - THE BEST WAY to handle an addiction is by putting a time limit on it.
    - For example, besides the other things I mentioned above, I am definitely addicted to watching shows/movies. So, I try to only watch them when I am working out on the step mill on weekday nights (I do these workouts for about 2.5 hours, 4 days a week). Thus, while I am still seemingly “succumbing” to my addiction (I still spend over 10% of the day watching shows), at least I do it at the same time as something productive.
      - And watching shows also makes my intense workouts go way faster, so it’s a win-win!
    - Another example is checking email and text messages. I most definitely have an addiction to checking both, as I need to feel as if people value me. So, I set a limit on myself to only check email once a day and text messages once every hour.
      - Of course, I still fail occasionally (such as checking my text messages repeatedly as soon as I sent someone a message), but at least I’m trying to mitigate it.
Finally, remember that the best way to stop a new addiction is by never starting.
- It’s very easy (and often seemingly harmless) to get started.
  - The first cigarette, one drink with friends, so on and so forth.
- But in the same way that every good journey of 1000 miles starts with just one step, every not-so-good journey starts with just one step as well.
- Therefore, recognize if you have an addictive personality (we all do, but recognize to what extent that you have one) and avoid things you know will be potentially addictive for you.
  - It’s much easier to say “no” to your friends for one night of drinking or something than it is to escape alcoholism. While of course, one drink doesn’t mean you will become an alcoholic, every alcoholic started that way.
  - For you, it could be video games to avoid school, or masturbation to avoid talking to the opposite sex. It’s okay that you have these urges, as it’s perfectly natural for humans! However, you have the responsibility to recognize the urge and then try to avoid things that would cause you to make that urge a reality.
- Give yourself grace if you take a few steps in the wrong direction. It’s okay! Just be honest with yourself and try to go back to wherever you were before you started.
  - It’s much easier to trace back those few steps than it is to walk back the 1000 miles!