- I’ll admit it wholeheartedly — I am a naturally selfish person in a lot of ways.
- I often only think about myself, and if I think about others, it’s more so in a transactional manner (not necessarily in the sense of wanting money, but more in the sense of always thinking, “What do I need from this person?” It could be a service, a recommendation for a restaurant, or even just friendship for a few hours, so that I don’t feel lonely).
- Most of my day is spent bettering myself or working to improve an impersonal organization, rather than specifically helping others. Even when I volunteer, it’s mainly because I feel compelled to help others in some way, not just because it’s a good thing to do.
- Many people, including my family and closest friends, often note that I can be an unintentionally cold and unemotional person.
- And if you notice, all the articles I’ve written so far have been about how you can learn from me. How everything I’ve done is great and that you can really benefit from it.
- Instead of discussing whether being selfish is a “good” or “bad” thing from a moral sense (since I don’t believe in either concept), let’s talk about some thoughts about the nature of this common human characteristic.
- True to fashion, I’m going to be talking about my own thoughts in this article. I already told you I’m selfish!
- First off, selfishness is shared by all humans and likely all animals.
- I probably don’t need to explain myself for you to believe this is true, so instead I’ll give a slightly different way of looking at it than perhaps you’re used to (I will be talking about it mathematically, so search up the terms if you haven’t heard them before).
- In statistics, the accuracy of all of your descriptive statistics (such as mean, median, mode, standard deviation, etc.) is highly dependent on your sample size.
- So, if we think about our set of beliefs as the mean of all of our experiences (or at least contained within the set that defines our experiences), then you might think that your beliefs are extremely accurate.
- After all, if you’ve had thousands of experiences (your sample size), then it makes sense you will have high confidence that the average of your experiences is the “Truth.”
- But we forget that the sample size is not necessarily the amount of experiences that you’ve had, but rather the number of people who have your specific perspective.
- I.e., just you, for a sample size of 1!
- If indeed we take your experiences as the sample, then the set would always have a bias based on your specific perspective.
- Because the “Truth” (with a capital T) needs to be true for all people, then the people themselves have to be the sample size.
- We could call the average of your experience the “truth” (with a lowercase t), but you don’t want to conflate it with the “Truth.”
- So, since we can never truly find an average of all people’s perspectives, our beliefs will always be biased based on ourselves. Everything you do and believe will be dependent only on you and no one else.
- And in that essence, you will always be selfish!
- I probably don’t need to explain myself for you to believe this is true, so instead I’ll give a slightly different way of looking at it than perhaps you’re used to (I will be talking about it mathematically, so search up the terms if you haven’t heard them before).
- The acceptance of our inherent selfishness is needed more in our society.
- Just as having to sleep is characteristic of being human (along with being an animal in general), being selfish is also a common characteristic, and thus must have served some purpose when we were cavemen.
- Obviously, the main purpose was self-preservation back in the day.
- But I would also argue (with no evidence or research to back me up, just my own experiences) that you can’t be truly happy unless you put yourself at the center of your universe.
- I know, I know: If everyone put themselves first, then we would have anarchy. But would we really?
- Just think about yourself for a second. What would putting yourself at the center of your universe mean?
- Would it cause you to go all Mad Max and start stealing and lying and stuff like that? Probably not.
- More likely, it would mean you stop taking shit from people (in fact, you would stop caring what they thought at all), you would start working on personal development, and you would finally put your own dreams first.
- Your inherent selfishness is NOT a detriment, but rather a motivator, pushing you to follow your own path. After all, only you know what’s best for you, and your selfishness is just the visceral manifestation of that intuitive idea.
- I wish everyone accepted their selfishness enough to follow their own dreams.
- Frankly, we don’t need more people who follow society’s ideas of what the “correct” path is. We need people who break the mold, who follow their own path despite every obstacle.
- I call this being “productive selfish.”
- Just as having to sleep is characteristic of being human (along with being an animal in general), being selfish is also a common characteristic, and thus must have served some purpose when we were cavemen.
- Another way to think about being “productively selfish” is by forming a life that is truly only guided by your own interests.
- Think about the things you spend your time on right now. If you had to trace the root cause of “why” you do these things, could you confidently say that they are guided only by what you want? I bet not.
- More likely, it was caused by an external force—parental expectations, prestigious accolades, societal pressure, etc.—that you have subconsciously accepted as being what you actually wanted.
- Our brain has a very interesting way of being able to accept anything if you do it long enough, even if you hated it at first.
- And it’s not just the things you do; think about the entire way that you act! Is it guided by what you truly believe or by external forces?
- Do you think you’re doing the world a favor by not being selfish enough to showcase your beliefs? Do you think that, by sacrificing your own beliefs for someone else’s or society’s, you are doing the right thing?
- I would argue that you are doing the world a huge DISSERVICE by not showcasing your true self.
- Selflessness is great at times, but not when it comes to discarding your dreams in favor of another’s.
- Now, here’s a practical way to be more selfish.
- First, you find out what your priorities are. These are the things that are most important to you.
- Next, create a routine around your priorities without any care about how it affects other people. Make the most ideal routine you could, as if there was nobody else on the planet but you.
- This helps you figure out the boundaries between yourself and others, which everyone should figure out at some point. Otherwise, you will never know when someone else is impeding on you.
- Then, actually follow your ideal routine.
- Most likely, no one who matters to you will be harmed when you start following your dreams. In fact, your friends and family will notice such a difference in your confidence that they will be excited to come along on your journey.
- On the other hand, the people who weren’t supposed to be in your life in the first place—those who tried to control you or inject their own dreams into you—will get angry at you at first, and then fall away from your life. That’s a great thing, because the people who will remain will be truly supportive of who you are and what you want to do with your life.
- Finally, enjoy the rewards!
- It is very, very simple to be more selfish. And in fact, it’s nothing like what you’re elementary school teachers called “selfishness.”
- Really, it’s just having a greater understanding of who you are, drawing boundaries, sticking to those boundaries, and letting those who don’t understand or don’t want to understand leave your life.
- In the end, you will definitely have less total people in your life, but the amount of true friends will have increased, along with the amount of time, happiness, and achievements that come to someone who prioritizes themself above all else.
- Of course, selfishness has many cons too—I probably don’t need to list all of them.
- Instead, I’ll just say that being selfish is easy while being productively selfish is difficult.
- Everyone who starts this journey will begin with being just outright selfish, which brings about the most cons (such as alienating your family, being angry with the world, etc.). But it’s the only way to become productively selfish over time.
- Instead, I’ll just say that being selfish is easy while being productively selfish is difficult.
- Becoming productively selfish is really just a matter of self-actualization.
- It takes a lot of introspection and mistakes to find out who you truly are.
- I find that someone who is truly productively selfish is one of the kindest, happiest, and most giving people I know. Why? Because they know exactly why they’re on this earth, how much they need, and what direction they’re heading. This certainty makes it easier to give all their extra time, energy, and material goods to others.
