Family and Friends

Summary at bottom

If there’s one thing my family can’t seem to do very well, it’s staying in the same place for very long. The earliest ancestors that we are fairly certain we have are members of Alexander’s the Great army who, after they were done fighting Porus and decided to mutiny, settled into what is now West Punjab, Pakistan all the way from Macedonia. Now we are settled across three different continents. Despite that, we still are very close with one another, defying the distance and strengthening our relationships whenever the chance arises.

Both sides of my family are historically from the northeast of the Indian subcontinent, including the Punjab and Kashmir regions of India and Pakistan. Then, in 1947, the Indian Partition forced both side of my family, who were Hindus and were residing in what was suddenly now turned into Pakistan, had to flee for their lives and eventually settled in what is now Northern India. Despite my family losing almost everything they had in the mass exodus, they worked to regrow their wealth through hard work and determination. That spirit of never giving up has since become a core tenet in my family, motivating each of us to keep working toward our goals regardless of any obstacles.

My parents both grew up in India, both moving around quite a bit during their youth and being exposed to many new cultures, languages, and experiences across India. They both moved to the US in the 1990s to pursue the “American Dream” and, with lots of struggle and not a lot of money at all, they were still able to obtain graduate degrees and make a life for themselves as well as for their children. Despite living the “immigrant story,” they never forced any way of thinking, preferred activity, or undue stress on us, instead preferring to let us try what we wanted to try and to fail and learn from our own failures. For that, I will always be grateful, because it made me extremely self-determined.

My brother was born before me and is one of the most relentless people I know. He worked his tail off to get into medical school to become what he always wanted to be, a doctor, and now he is doing just that. We have always had an age gap growing up, but now that we are finally in roughly the same life period, I finally am beginning to understand my brother as a person and his story from the lens of his own eyes. It is amazing and I am so glad that I have had such a wonderful person to look up to for so long, and still do, despite our differences in the past.

Most of the rest of my closest family (grandparents, first-cousins, etc.) live in Australia. I have been fortunate enough to see them more than a half-dozen times in my life, especially when they lived in India, but I do wish I could have seen them far more often, especially while growing up. When I was a kid, I used to envy my friends who were able to have big gatherings for Thanksgiving and Christmas with all their family coming from a long way off for the week. However, now I realize that having my family far away has made me value the few times I get to see them that much more, and I am extremely excited to see them in Australia for the first time in the Winter (their Summer) of 2022-2023!

My grandma on my dad’s side still lives in India and I am planning to see her soon after a long time of not seeing her. She has lived alone for quite a long time after my grandfather died, but she is now living in the proximity of the rest of her family. I honestly used to think that getting calls from her were a chore, considering the language barrier, but now I would drop everything to talk to her and just hear her voice.

I have not always cherished my family like I should have, especially in middle school and high school when I was old enough to realize that the way I was acting was wrong but I chose to do so anyway. Not anymore. Family is now one of my priorities and I am striving to learn the stories of each of the individual members to construct a family tree/family memoir that will stretch as far back and wide as possible. After all, you only get one family!

Similar to my family, throughout my adolescence I would never seize the opportunities to really get to know my friends on a personal level. While I would never be cruel or rude, I think my indifference was in some ways worse. I focused too much on myself rather than all the people around me, forcing me into a box alone from which I exhibited an aura of contentment but which in reality I hoped would be large enough to hold other people. Not until I went to college did I really begin to open up. I realized that most relationships don’t work unless you are the one who puts in maximum effort without any expectation of reciprocation. Now, I am always the first one to reach out, take blame, and make plans, because I want to put in the effort to build strong relationships while I still can.

Now, I feel as if I am in a place where I have some truly great friends who understand me and who I understand. While I have always been one of those guys who knew everyone and everyone knew, I never felt as if I had many great friends until now. My friend group now is way smaller than my circle of acquaintances, who I still keep in touch with, but it is fortunately very strong.

As I continue my journey in life, I will continue to seek out new friends and actively nurture the relationships I already have. Life is too complex to walk through it alone.

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UPDATE: January 21, 2024

I have had a crazy year, but I’ll break it down really quickly:

• Saw my extended family in Australia and had an amazing time, especially seeing my Nannu (mom’s father) for the first time in a while
• Saw my Nannu again along with my Daddi in India, along with meeting counsins in Kolkata I had never met before
• Developed much stronger relationships with my Father, Mother, and Brother throughout the year as I took my time to visit them, though I was busier than ever
• Made friends a bigger priority than ever before

Then, was fortunate enough to see my family quite a bit more than I usually do during 2024, including going home for Easter Break, having them at my graduation, and going to Atlanta to see my family for my 21st. I then had the opportunity to see them again just two weeks later when I came up for a conference in DC. Then, seeing them again just a few weeks later when I came up to Pittsburgh for a wedding was another amazing experience.

Long-Term Plans

• Discover and reach out to more members of my family
• Create a gigantic, detailed family tree (below)
• Walk through life with a group of friends who I am dedicated to and who I can depend on

Family Tree

Mom’s Side

Dad’s Side